Whether you are looking for a new friend or a more intimate relationship with a new partner, you will tend to approach possibilities differently than when there was no emphasis on consciousness. For those caught up in ego, the basic question when considering a new friendship or romantic relationship is, “Can I have fun with this person?”
We tend to have standards by which we decide whether to bring someone into our lives on a regular basis. If you are stuck in the old school way, then the most influential criteria might be how much the other person lets you control them, or it may be about how they look or how well-connected they are to others you would like to spend time with.
As you evolve spiritually, your values change. You learn that certain standards you may have had before are not as important as you had thought they were. You learn that perfectly-formed body parts—your own or your potential partner’s ---are not as important as you had thought. You learn that prioritizing spending time with someone based upon how much money they have is not something that feeds your higher self or theirs.
As we learn how to trust, we tend to look for friendships and partners who help push us along the spiritual path, and those who can learn to trust us to push them without control or attachment. We also tend to learn how to let the other person be as they are, to not make the relationship about fixing them or about it being about them fixing you!
Ego-based relationships tend to be based in supporting what I call false power, the "power" that is experienced through control, attachment, and possession. True power is that which is based in love. Loving power is the only real power.
When deciding how much time you want to spend with any friend or lover, here are some questions that you might find worthy of your consideration:
- Do I trust this person or do I think I can develop trust with them?
- Am I willing to accept them as they are right now?
- Can I see our connection developing to a point where we are both strong enough to call each other on our “stuff”?
- Can I see our connection with each other growing to a point where we will both be OK with having the other challenge us on our “stuff”?
- Am I attracted to this person because I think I can control them?
- Are they attracted to me because they want to be controlled?
- What can I learn from this person?
- What might this person be asking me to teach them?
What other questions can you come up with here that might be worth asking yourself as you consider a new friendship or romantic relationship?
If you are single, or if you are just intending to increase your circle of friendships, you may find great value in journaling about this, writing your thoughts down about these questions as a way of more clearly understanding what you really want. Push your "pause button" now, if you will, and tune into what your heart has to express about these questions.
Enjoy the process!
